The Seat of Moses

I have loved to write my whole life; however, my love for writing really took off 13 years ago when I surrendered my life to Christ (Psalm 45). Before my salvation experience, my life was a bit out of control, often surviving situations that made me question how I was unharmed. Feeling grateful for survival, only to dive back into reckless behavior, ignoring the conviction I felt in my chest; even knowing it was wrong. I sort of had this idea that if you became a Christian or a church leader, there’s no way that you could live like that anymore….

Oh, how naive I can be?

 Fast forward to today, in a place I would have NEVER predicted for my life, I hold in one hand my ordination as a licensed minister, the other carries my ministry.

 I've been staring at these hands for nearly a year now, asking, “How Lord?”, “this work is so fragile”, “ This is all so precious”, “ I don't want to mess it up.”, “I dont want to hurt anyone”, “I made a commitment”…..

 Yet, I grapple with how to navigate this anointing without succumbing to pride or losing the humility cultivated in the secret place. Knowing that I have work to do to promote my ministry, create content, and so on. The pressure, feeling insurmountable and inorganic, its kept me awake at night only wishing to go back under the rock I crawled out of all those years ago.

Inorganic because ALL of that cannot have ANY real power to heal or free unless cultivated in the heart/presence of Jesus. Almost all of last year starting in the spring I knew I was preparing myself for Ordination as well as launching my writing business and women's ministry. I devoted myself to very early mornings with Jesus, for prayers and mostly guidance through His Word. Filling up my journal with nuggets from those hours with Him; yet not feeling released to share any of it with anyone. So much happened last year not only in my life but in my spirit. Intense JOY, excitement, gratitude, humility, wonder as well as intense disappointment, GRIEF, isolation, depression, separation and more than ever extremely intense desires to dive back into reckless behavior, ignoring the conviction I felt in my chest; even knowing it was wrong.

 It’s when I came to realize, for me personally that even reaching a leadership position in ministry was NOT at all meaning that I was going to be immune from FAILING. As pure as I felt my intentions were. I was in a full on war with my flesh. Thankfully I had enough discipline in me to keep meeting with Jesus daily. Id catch myself writing some ridiculous rants in my journal of raw honesty to God. At times I’d hear Him say, “This is just me making room for less of you and more of me..” I came to accept that these extremely intense revelations I was having about myself were the work of my Father to purify me and prepare me for this next season. None of it was to shame me or make me feel inadequate. 

Seeking clarity, I stumbled upon Matthew chapter 23, where Jesus is speaking to the crowd and His disciples. The first few verses caused a bomb to go off in my chest! To paint a picture we have to go back a little in chapter 21 of Matthew. Jesus and his disciples arrived in Jerusalem where they were greeted with shouts of celebration and the people repeating the word “Hosanna!” “Hosanna!”. This is important to know because what they were really saying was “Come and save us now!” You ever find yourself back at the altar; “Jesus, save me again!”….and again and again…

The next day Jesus walked into the temple, and lost his cool! He became so angry that he flipped over tables, tossing money to the floor. Kicking out the people selling and buying in the temple. Then He shouts with great authority, “My house will be called a house of prayer! But you are making it a den of thieves!” Matthew 21:13

After He was done cleaning the house in the temple, he did something absolutely radical in the eyes of the religious leaders. He invited the blind, the lame, and the children. He had to first clear out those who had profaned the temple so He could begin healing and speaking identity into those who were humbly searching for God. Have you ever watched God honor someone, that you think is bellow you? Ha! Don’t lie…

Afterwards Jesus heads out to the city of Bethany. There he enters the temple and is confronted by the chief priests and elders, who ask Him, “By what authority are you doing these things?, who gave you this authority?”. Jesus goes on to quiet them with his response, blowing their minds with all of His parables, causing a string of annoying questions from the Pharisees and the Sadducees trying to trick/test him.

 After this exhausting encounter with religious leaders, (aren’t religious people so exhausting) He starts with this verse in Matthew 23:2 and says, “The scribes and the Pharisees are SEATED in the chair of Moses….vs 3: Therefore do whatever they tell you, and observe it. But DON'T do what they do, because they don’t practice what they preach.”

Y’all….

I realized this is exactly why I have been staring at these hands and looking to the Father for instruction! We do not want to be those included in the “Woe to you”…

I want to articulate this thought but no one said it better (in my opinion) than Alicia Britt Nicole in her book, Anonymous. Chapter 47 titled, Warning Signs. 

“Most of us will at some point in life emerge from hiddenness and encounter the temptation of authority in the world and/or in the community of faith. The challenges presented by this layer of temptation are unique, unlike anything we face in the layers of appetite or applause. If we have taken the time in unseen, uncelebrated spaces to develop an eternal perspective and submission based authority, we will find ourselves strengthened to resist corruption in the day of power and influence. If not—without the discipline of submission to God‘s will and Word— I believe it is virtually impossible for spiritual leaders, in particular, to not become abusive. The cultivation of submission based authority in the holy place of hiddenness was so essential to Jesus that he reserved His harshest rebuke for those who held titles of authority, but whose lives had no authority. Since power can corrupt even the most gentle of hearts, and since Jesus obviously took this issue seriously, it is worth our time to examine the warning signs of souls that delay in position, but no longer live in submission to God’s will in word. On the day of title, position, and power, we should be very alarmed, if we discover the following in our lives.”

“We stop practicing what we preach” Matthew 23:2-3

“We begin specializing in the creation of rules” Matthew 23:4

“We stage displays of our devotion, everything they do is done for men to see”

 Matthew 23:5

“We feel deserving of special honor” Matthew 23:6-7

“We lose sight of the sacred” Matthew 23:18-19

“We tithe our money but are stingy with our mercy” Matthew 23:23

“We consciously conceal our hypocrisy” Matthew 23:25,28

“We overestimate our immunity to sin” Matthew 23:30

“We silence the voice of the prophet and wise men” Matthew 23:34

 I’ve always respected my pastors and elders and spiritual parents. Being a leader comes with GREAT responsibility. No one is perfect; I know that! My point is that they have an even greater responsibility to steward the souls around them well. They have an even greater responsibility to remain Holy and Pure vessels for God to be able to use them for the sake of souls. Imagine the purity, isolation and holiness that priests who exercise demons have to submit to. 

“For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.” Luke 12:48

When God anoints you to be a leader in any capacity; you will absolutely fail if you make it about anything other than Him. I told myself the other day that at the end of my life as a vessel for God; if all I ever did was write that one book and reach a handful of souls, but I stand before Him and he says, “well done”. Then I’m good with that! 

”If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.“

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭3‬-‭7‬ ‭MSG‬‬

We need to make sure we don't find ourselves in the seat (authority) of Moses, we should always find ourselves at the feet of Jesus; operating from His love and His authority. Take time to pray about everything; check your motives; is it for the admiration and applause of man, or is it to purely glorify the Father. Not everything that happens in the secret place is meant to be shared; that's why it's called intimacy. 

Many of us are going into the new year with consecration and fasting. I truly believe this is the “mirror image” work that the Holy Spirit is wanting for us to do in our hearts and in our minds, repent, forgive, release and try your best to remain anonymous.